Catch 22 Rant

I'm caught in a conundrum. When you're gone, I sink into a bout of depression. I feel tired and lazy. All I want to do is sleep. School work bores me and seems pointless as I continue to be malcontent. I work, but I spend too much money on things to make me forget I miss you. Mostly coffee and snacks and outfits to impress you when you return. When you're here I don't want to do anything but spend time with you. I fill our days with fun activities. And when I run out of those, I just want to get buzzed and lay around the apartment with you. I skip class and call out of work. I spend my money on the movies we see and the fast food we can't get enough of.

I want the life I cannot have. I want to be responsible and productive during the day and come home to goofing off with you at night. I don't want to worry about missing you tomorrow or how to get through today.

I want to go to sleep until you get back. I might as well, I'm already sinking into another three-week emotional coma.

Where did my friends go? Courtney got a boyfriend, so she's not inviting people over or dragging me along. Everyone is busy, busy, busy. I'm such a wall flower. A few weeks out of sight and I'm easily out of mind. Court throws a party and I'm worried the neighbors will complain. I throw a party and get 14 maybes.

And why do I feel like my life has become an episode of Friends? At least I don't have to change my name to play the part. I cried and he said this wouldn't happen. It did and I went back to my long-distance bipolar emotional cycle.